Prayer of St. Francis

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.

Amen.

The past two weeks have been rough.  I had a bout with anxiety that kept me from really functioning.  It's happened a few times before - during my last months in Ukarumpa, after my first year of graduate school, and in 2011 when I crash landed in Dallas on medical leave. 

What is it like to have an anxiety attack?  Imagine that you are afraid of something that you cannot see, you can only feel.  Imagine that your world shrinks down to feelings of loneliness and helplessness.    

Then, imagine that you slowly start feeling like yourself again.  

I am grateful for my counselor, Cindy, and my Mom for helping me to work through each day and see things for what they are.

I've been thinking about the Prayer of St. Francis.  
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.

An instrument is a tool that is used for a specific purpose.  When we ask God to use us, we must put aside certain comforts and be prepared to make sacrifices.  We have to "get out of His way" and realize that we our His vessel.  

God calls us to love one another.  The command is so simple, but is the hardest thing to do.  Love one another?  Love, when we don't feel like loving?  I'm still wrapping my mind around this.  

How can I be an "instrument of God's peace" today?  I can offer words of encouragement and kindness.  I can offer people the "benefit of the doubt."  I can make the world a kinder place to live. 

Lesson in Humility

In November I was in a car accident.  I'd just gotten a new puppy (Seth) and I was distracted by the pup jumping on my lap.  I swerved into the other lane and bounced off the side of a Ford F350 Superduty.  It caused enough damage to my car that it was declared "totaled" by the insurance company.

No one was injured!  Praise God!

I called my parents and at the time of my accident they were sitting at the airport getting ready to go on a cruise. (Me: "I got in a car accident!"  Dad: "We're going to see the great pyramids.")  I was out of contact with them for two weeks - imagine two weeks without my support system!

I got a rental car for two weeks and struggled with the settlement process.  I'm not proud of my complaining...  I was provided with a reliable rental car, but still found things to gripe about to anyone that would listen.

I gave a ride to Leonard, who at the time was experiencing car trouble with their family car.  He explained that their car - which is used by he and his wife to transport family members and friends to church, school and work - was completely out of commission.  He'd been asking for rides from friends, coworkers and family members.  He said that being in the car gives him the opportunity to share the Gospel, preach to people and pray for them. 

Talk about an attitude adjustment!  Here Leonard was finding a way to make the best of a difficult situation while I was only concerned about my own comfort.  How humbling!  I've been thinking about how important it is to have a grateful attitude.

I have a 2008 Toyota Yaris now and I'm very happy with it!  


Please pray for that God will provide reliable transportation for Leonard and Vivian.