Prayer Update

It’s been a busy & blessed summer!

Here’s what I’ve been up to.

Dissertation Writing:

I’ve been working diligently on my dissertation “Choctaw Tribal School Instructional Aides’ Perceptions of Preparedness for Implementing Choctaw Language Materials in Elementary Classrooms.” I’m reading books about Native American and Choctaw history, language revitalization, and early childhood language learning pedagogy. In addition, I am analyzing data gathered during trips to Choctaw language classes during the spring semester.

My hope is that my dissertation will provide insight for the Tribal Language Program staff as they continue to write and develop the Choctaw language curriculum and teacher training.

I am continuing my partnership with the Choctaw Tribal Language Program. I’m helping in any way that I can with the planning, implementation, and evaluation of different programs for the Choctaw Language Instructors.

Mission Team Visit:

In July a mission team from Otterbein UB Church in Greencastle, PA visited Choctaw, MS to serve with Corinth Baptist Church in the Tucker Community. Corinth Baptist Church has asked for help preparing the building site for their new church building.

The team, in partnership with Hope Indian Baptist Church hosted a concert called Rockin’ the Rez. Holding a concert has been a dream of Leonard’s for many years. Groups from Pennsylvania and Mississippi performed. Pastor Reinhart from the Mennonite Church shared a short message and Chief Anderson shared an opening prayer.

Upcoming Events:

Fall 2015 semester - I hope to defend my dissertation and graduate from Jackson State University in December 2015. Please pray that God will give me supernatural wisdom and insight as I analyze data. Please pray for my dissertation committee.

I am guiding students in one eight-week online class for JSU – EDCI 220 Teaching and Learning Styles for Young Children

October 2015 – SIL North America’s retreat in Bellingham, Washington.

Would you like to be part of my ministry team?

Please send tax deductible donations to:

Wycliffe Bible Translators, Inc.

PO Box 628200 • Orlando, FL 32862

*Enclose a note that says “Gift for the ministry of Abigail Farmer. Account #285943”

Call 1-800-WYCLIFFE

No buy July (so far)

Project 333 is off to a good start. I'm also doing an "unshopping challenge" with Yerdle. All this came together with a low bank balance and high student loans.

I gave myself a little leeway because (1) I live in MS and it's HOT. I change clothes when I get home from work. I also play sports so I have extra workout clothes on hand. (2) I'm starting a new job I'm the Fall and don't know what my job "uniform" will be.

Insight: I impulse buy online. It's amazing how often I get on Amazon and want, want, want. Hmm. 

I need to purchase new underwear eventually since some of mine are losing their integrity.

Books & audio books. I have 1 Audible credit/month and Kindle unlimited. I'm working on the books on my shelf. I know some of them.can go but I'm not ready to let them go. Hmmm. (Food for thought).

I like that everything in my closet matches.  I like having less visual clutter in my room.  I love skipping the mall for mindless wandering. 

And finally: gratitutious photo of Duncan

Minimalism Ideal vs. Reality

I’ve been reading about minimalism, capsule wardrobes, and other experiments with the “less is more” philosophy. Like everything else I skip along and learn a lot along the way.  (Directions? Ha!)  

Minimalism ideal

There are some cool minimalist guides that recommend following some stunningly drastic minimalist measures like (1) donate or sell all your stuff, (2) limit your earthly belongs to what will fit in a shoebox, (3) light your house on fire. Even straightforward guides for sensible capsule wardrobes were giving me anxiety. 

I think that extreme minimalism is an ideal and I applaud the families who have achieved that level of freedom from materialism. Y’all are cool. I’m just not there yet. 

My relationship with stuff

I did some soul searching about my relationship with stuff. When I was in college I had boxes in my (then) boyfriend’s garage, some stuff in corners of my parents’ basement, in the trunk of the car, a pile of stuff for vacation and other stuff for my summer camp job. I felt …scattered.  A friend asked me, “What is it about your stuff that you’re so attached to?”  It wasn’t the “stuff” itself – a sewing machine from the 1970s, flannel sheets and a box of office supplies?  

What bothered me at that point, deep down, was the unsettling feeling of being constantly in transition. I felt like I was missing the security of a constant resident. Instead I felt like pieces of me were pushed into corners, left behind, and divided. Realizing that helped me to examine the deeper emotional sea change. 

Home Sweet Home

I’ve lived in my house since 2013. I love having a house because I can put a nail in the wall and be completely responsible for it. Sure there’s the matter of property tax, replacing that pesky roof, and the ugly kitchen fixtures. But I embrace that because I have one address and to me this is home.

Yeah, I have a house full of stuff. Generous friends and family gave me items for my house and I’ve purchased some things. The things in my kitchen came from my Mom. I have family treasures my Dad generously passed on to me. 

The goal I would like to achieve is a home full of things that are beautiful and useful. 

Project 333 prep

I came across the Project 333 and it just made sense. I plan to start the 33 piece wardrobe in July. You choose 33 clothing items and wear them for 3 months in different combinations. I'll discuss that in more detail in another post.

This is my plan for the next few days :

1. Put a few items of clothing into storage bags or hang them in the guest room closet. Putting 3 blouses in another closet is a lot LESS scary than putting it all in a bag for GoodWill.
2. Donate or discard clothes that don’t fit or look dumb. My sister is the long-suffering recipient of boxes of flotsam. 
3. Sort through the piles of stuff I have around the house. Sort them into categories like “office supplies” and “craft stuff.” 
4. List things I’m not using on Yerdle (If you want to sign-up click here)

  Clearer Thinking

Why am I embracing this chaos in the middle of dissertation writing?  Because having a clearer space around me is actually helping my thinking.  

By removing  extraneous stuff I hope to make my home a peaceful, welcoming place where I can focus on what's important.

Updates to follow! 

Cats are content with a cardboard box.

Dissertation Writing, Writing, Writing

Psalm 126:6

Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them.

During my last week in Papua New Guinea (2007) I was struggling with a lot of questions. I was dying inside with burnout, I was perpetually sick, and I didn't know what the future held. My friend Laura sat down with me and read Psalm 126 to me and I felt like that Psalm was written just for me.


Carrying seed to sow - There's a lot of planting and harvest imagery in the Bible. Anyone who has planted a tiny garden or a full field understands the concepts involved: preparing the soil, planting seeds, watering, and waiting for God to do the rest. In the ground is where the seeds germinate and eventually break through the soil.Painful times require prayer and persistence. These are times that build our faith as we choose to say, "God, I don't know what's happening, but give me strength to keep moving forward." 

Songs of joy - Harvesting is a time of hard work, but it's also a time of celebration.  Seeing how your work has produced a harvest gives us cause for celebration, praise, and gratitude. 

Dissertation Writing - My specific work right now is reading journal articles, data analysis, and typing page and after page. I send drafts off to be proof-read, I get them back with changes. Meanwhile I am going through a range of emotions from anger and doubt to hope and the joy of discovery.  Deep down there's a humming tenacity that I know God has given me to persist until this is completed. 

I know that God is building my faith right now. I am maturing during the process because I'm learning deeper levels of patience and peace. I know God's using this to help me become more like Him. My dream is to be a college professor and this process is preparing me for assisting future students. 

Thoughts from a Christian with Generalized Anxiety Disorder

Cave Diving 
 
The first time I really understood that what I was feeling was anxiety was in 2009 when I was in graduate school.  I was trying to process the knowledge that I wasn't healthy enough to return to Papua New Guinea to work in a remote village allocation.  I woke up shaking.  I had to mentally berate myself to get up, get dressed, and go to class.  I felt like my brain was constantly in "fight or flight mode" - even when the stresses I was responding to were relatively mundane. 

I've continued to have horrible bouts of depression and anxiety over the years.  Some of these are because of extremely stressful life circumstances (doctoral program, anyone?) or because the medication I take was out of balance.  

To me, anxiety feels like being sucked into an underwater cave where it's dark, you can't breathe, and there's no real sense of what way's up.  Elements of anxiety are feeling isolated, panicked, and out of control.  When I feel this way I have to basically put my life on hold until things come back into balance. (On the worst days going to the store for milk can feel like a journey to Siberia.)

Hold the Guilt

Let me get straight-up honest here.  Something that makes anxiety worse is well intentioned Christians telling me, "You shouldn't be anxious. You know the Lord." 

Some of the greatest, strongest men and women in the Bible experienced anxiety and depression: King David, Elijah, and Simon-Peter. Telling a Christian to not have anxiety is ludicrous and it piles on guilt because it implies that we must be doing something wrong.  Anxiety isn't something that we can turn on and off with a switch.  

Support and Encouragement

If your loved one is experiencing severe anxiety please be understanding and patient.  Don't minimize their feelings or push them to do more than they're able to.  Encourage them to continue following the directions of their health care provider (including taking medication consistently).  Encourage your loved one to do manageable activities like taking a short walk.  Pray with them. Pray for wisdom for yourself.

After conversations with my counselor and friends who also have anxiety / depression, I learned some helpful responses to folks asking about anxiety:

1. The bodies we live in are corrupt. Christians are not immune to illness like the flu, diseases, or cancer. Our minds are corrupt as well.  No person on earth is free from pain, suffering, or loss. The symptoms of living in a fallen world come in different manifestations.

2. Taking anti-anxiety medication isn't a "crutch" or sign of lack of faith. This stigma is unhelpful and inaccurate. Would you tell a Christian with diabetes to skip their insulin? 

3. God has a purpose in everything. Having anxiety has allowed me to be more understanding and compassionate. Desperate, lonely times when all I can say is, "God, help me!" are times I've felt His presence the most. I realize that I need to rely on Him completely. 

God is Good

 A verse that has given me great comfort is:

Proverbs 3:5-6 (AMP)

⁵ Lean on, trust in, and be confident in the Lord with all your heart and mind and do not rely on your own insight or understanding.

⁶ In all your ways know, recognize, and acknowledge Him, and He will direct and make straight and plain your paths.

I know that whatever the world throws at me God is there for me. He will lead and guide me each step of the way.

Knowing that I'm not alone makes the biggest difference in dealing with GAD.  I don't have an easy solution, but I do know that God has given me tools to deal with difficult times.  For that I am eternally grateful.

Kitty Nuggets has a way of showing how I feel sometimes.

Summer Projects and Plans

Now that Memorial Day has come and gone, it's officially summer!

Time to relax on the porch with a good book?  Not so much! 

Here's a quick rundown of what's happening the next few months!

Jackson State University

I am working diligently on my dissertation!  I'm reading books about Native American and Choctaw history, language revitalization, and early childhood language learning pedagogy.  In addition I am analyzing data gathered during trips to Choctaw language classes during the Spring semester.

This week I'm going to begin teaching at Hinds Community College. (More information to follow.)

Choctaw Bible Translators

Choctaw Bible Translators is a wonderful organization and I'm blessed to have the opportunity to work with them. We're preparing for the annual Choctaw Indian Fair where we share Choctaw language materials with visitors from all over the area.

Otterbein Mission Trip

In June a group from Otterbein UB Church in Greencastle, PA will be visiting Choctaw, MS to serve with Corinth Baptist Church in the Tucker Community. We're planning with great anticipation a concert called Rockin' the Rez, working with Corinth to clear the land for their new building, and lots of fun get-togethers. It'll be hot, of course, but we're ready!

Choctaw Tribal Language Program

I am continuing my internship with the Choctaw Tribal Language Program.  I'm helping in any way that I can with the planning, implementation, and evaluation of different programs for the Choctaw Language Instructors.

Arts Efforts

I am very excited about continuing to make jewelry items. Here's a few projects I've been working on!

Memorial Day Weekend was Awesome

I was in Charlotte, NC over Memorial Day weekend. I had an amazing time relaxing with my brother, Andrew, and sister, Elizabeth.

I'm so blessed to have such amazing, supportive siblings!

My new Etsy store

Hi, everyone! This blog is a mix of things going on in my life. 

A current venture is selling some of my handmade jewelry through Etsy. This is to help cover the costs of my dissertation writing and student loan debt.

I currently have memory wire bracelets, headbands, earrings, and necklaces.  More coming soon!   

Check out my store Abby in Mississippi.

March Prayer Update

Dear Friends and Family,

It’s a rainy morning in Mississippi and I’m in Jackson for class and work at Jackson State University.

I have some important news and prayer requests to share with you.

The Roof over my Head:

I had a gentleman come over recently to remove some leaves and he brought to my attention that there are some soft spots on my roof. I had a roofer come over and give me an estimate for the repairs. Based on his estimate, I submitted a claim to the insurance and I have been told that my portion will be $2500. I need the roof repaired, there’s  no way around that, but like most folks, I don’t have the $2,500. I would appreciate it if you would pray with me for the Lord’s provision regarding this need. He is my provider.

Delayed Grad-ification

I also wanted to let you know that it is unrealistic for me to graduate  May 1  as I previously anticipated. I’ll have to continue working on my dissertation into the summer.  This new schedule means the Committee Report of Defense Results is June 30 and Final Graduation Clearance will be July 24.

Thank you so much for your prayers and interest in what the Lord is doing in my life. I wanted to share this request with so you can join me prayer.

Key Terms & CBTC Interns

On February 27, CBTC board members and translators met to talk with Translation Consultants Wayne and Elena via Skype. Laura-Christel joined us in a three way Skype call to discuss key terms used in the translation. (See attached photo) Technology allows us to communicate over great distances – what a blessing!

This summer CBTC will be hosting 2 interns as part of the Wycliffe Summer Internship program. Please pray for the two young ladies who are planning to join us in Mississippi to participate in translation and cultural events.

Read more about my ministry here.

Abigail Farmer

Serving with Choctaw Bible Translators

Choctaw, MS

Should white people apologize to Native Americans?

Should white people apologize to Native Americans for what historical events?

I have been thinking about this question after 4 1/2 years of working with Native Americans. I've read historical account and seen films like "Bury my Heart at Wounded Knee." There is evidence, studies, and historical accounts that show the negative impacts of government assimilation policy, boarding schools, broken treaties, and cultural genocide. Those are historical facts and the consequences to those events are long lasting. They are seeing in the poverty on Indian reservations, alcoholism, reliance on welfare, low self esteem, loss of language and culture, suicide rates, loss of sacred land, and loss of cultural foundations. The consequences for those events will continue. I think that all Americans should mourning the loss of the rich cultural, linguistic, and spiritual heritage. I mourn the awful things that happened because it hurts God's heart when people are mistreated.

Should white people apologize for the actions of the government? I think the responsibility of citizens, in a general sense, to stand up for those who need help and to stand up for justice. There is no shortage of pain in the world. All you have to do is look at your front door in order to see it. What is our responsibility to our fellow human beings? That is something you have to wrestle with in your own heart.

I've seen white people, when introduced to my Native friends, say "I'm sorry my people took your land." or "One of their ancestors was Indian." Why do they feel compelled to apologize straight away when meeting a Native individual? Why do we bring a load of "white guilt" to the table?

I have wrestled with this question in my own heart and the conclusion that I've come to is that in ministry, or any kind of humanitarian work, you cannot be motivated by pity. I cannot be motivated out of my own guilt. That is selfishness and it is based on making myself feel better.

As a Christian I should be motivated out of love. I should be motivated to help people because I love the Lord and that is what He has called me to do. I cannot look at my coworkers, friends, and neighbors and feel sorry for them. I have to look at my coworkers as people who are capable who deserve respect.


As an individual, what can I do? I can't change the past but I can change the future. I can either be part of the problem, by focusing on what's wrong, or I can be part of the solution and to help the Choctaws reach their language and education goals. I can offer  help when I am able, like giving friends a ride. I do this out of love.

Can you really serve somebody if you feel sorry for them? I see myself as a partner. I have skills and gifts that God has given me. I can use those in partnership with the Choctaw language program.  I found that I've been blessed by the honesty, humor, and energy of the people around me. I am secure in my heritage as a daughter of Christ and I understand where my own roots are. Because of that I can appreciate the identity of others and their perspective on the world. 

Leonard, my pastor, told me but he doesn't hold the stuff in the past against his white friends because he just wants to live his life each day he doesn't want to focus on the past. He said that's not what he wants from life. He wants to spend time with his grandchildren, enjoy meals with friends, and earn a living. He can't do that if he's busy blaming other people for stuff that happened.

Look at your own heart.  Focus on what you can do to show God's love to people around you instead of dwelling on the past. I'm not saying that those things are awful, or the thing never happened. I'm saying that those things can't be changed. Historical events should be learned from and so we can avoid making the same mistakes again

Thoughts on Decluttering - my relationship with my stuff

I wrote the following post for Reddit, /r/declutter. You can read it here.

Some changes were made for clarity.

Part One

My resolution this year is to stay on top of the clutter in my house - move things on when I'm done, put things away, and clean up after myself.

My Momma told me this my entire childhood: clean up after yourself. I told my students when I was an elementary teacher to "Clean up your space." It's that simple, right?

I stay by myself with four pets, so my situation may be different than mine. I work full time and I'm working on my PhD.

I look around my house and what do I see? My work space (the dining room table) is piled with papers, books, and office supplies. In the kitchen there are boxes of cereal and coffee on the counter, dishes in the sink, and an empty box of dog treats. In the bathroom there are make-up palettes on the sink and a pile of dirty laundry. In my bedroom there's a laundry basket of clean, unfolded clothing.

The cause of my clutter is my own laziness, distractability, and failure to follow through. My biggest issue in my home, and the rest of my life, is avoidance.

When I come home from school I walk the dogs, cook, have dinner, and read. The last thing I want to do is clean. So I end up with the clutter and mess mentioned above, and it adds up every single day.

So what do I need to do differently? I need to wash my dishes after each meal and put food items away. I need to put my make-up back in the drawer when I'm done. I need to clean the litter boxes. I need to do a little bit each day.

As I've worked on my avoidance issue, I've noticed my home is more a home. I'm returning emails right away, answering text messages, and calling my parents more often. I feel much more calm and in charge when I have a tidy work environment and I am much more focused in my studies.
I hope to keep improving in this as the year goes on!

PartTwo

I've been thinking about the reasons people have for clutter and messiness, and also the reasons people have for strict cleanliness and order. There's some truth in how our surroundings reflect our inner thought lives. Also, the kind of home we grow up in impacts our relationships with out belongings and our surroundings. 

 

I grew up in a busy household. My Dad worked long hours in a medical practice and the hospital. My Mom worked as a nurse and raised 4 children. I shared a room with my sister, who is very tidy, and I had a sense that I didn't have my own "space" and that any "space" that I claimed (even a shelf) would be taken over. One of the reasons I am clutter-y, perhaps, is subconsciously claiming my home as my own space. The consequences of that is described over and over.I can only speak for myself, of course. It's been and it continues to be an interesting journey.

Part 3

I've been reading articles about decluttering and organizing. There are whole magazines devoted to it and stores devote entire sections to organization containers. What strikes me about this is that often the articles fail to address the thinking behind habits, and also how long it takes to change habits.
If you've been tossing your shoes in a pile beside the closet door, a fancy shoe rack isn't going to change your habit right away. (Or will it?)

There are two TV shows about hoarders. One of them requires the hoarder to confront mountains of stuff and have their home cleaned out in a weekend. At some point, the person breaks down. Of course they do! The stuff represents safety or protection.

Have you noticed that those folks usually experienced some trauma or abuse before they began hoarding? A child died, they lost their job, or they were in a major accident. It is a great disservice to these individuals to take away what is essentially their protective shell without giving them an opportunity to work through their trauma.

In some circumstances their home is so bad that it's a health and safety risk. That's a different issue, of course, and I wouldn't wish for anyone to be in a home full of mold or without running water.
The second show I watched allows the people to work through their "stuff" with the help of family, friends, and an organizer. They also have access to counseling. One man took 1 grocery sack of trash out of his home and that was a big step for him. In the follow-up, he communicated that he worked more and more, and saw the progress, which motivated him to do more and more.

These are extreme cases. I think it illustrates how change in the physical environment has to take place in the head and heart.

What do y'all think?