Recovery

In July I had a relapse into depression and anxiety, issues that I've dealt with since I was in the South Pacific. It's like being alone at the bottom of a hopeless pit. Depression is like a heavy weight that comes down on my mind at times that I have a hard time shaking off. Anxiety is the body's flight or fight response to stressful situations. After being exposed to too much stress, an amount that a "normal" person can easily handle but right now my threshold is much lower, my heart starts pounding and I feel completely helpless. It's a very lonely place to be.

It's October now. I'm getting a little bit better everyday. A great source of frustration to me is how limited my personal emotional reserves are. Because of this I have to carefully choose my social activities and balance that with times of rest. For someone who has always felt like my value is related to the amount of "stuff" that I do, this has been very frustrating. I don't like to feel so limited.

Conversations with trusted friends has given me some insight. Ministry isn't always about the quantity of stuff we do. It's also about the quality of time and investment that we make in the people around us. I am finding that this has helped me to be a better friend and a better listener. I know that I will continue to get better and be able to do more and more. For now, I'm learning to be content.